I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
