Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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