Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
