you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
