his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
