we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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