Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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