So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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