Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
