you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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