dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
