Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my phone needs a breathalizer
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
