TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
