Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
