I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
