did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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