Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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