kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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