please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
