Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
