i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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