Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
