sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sext me about skeletons
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
