u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
