I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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