it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sober January is a disaster.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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