I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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