3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
