Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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