I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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