her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
