dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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