The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
