They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
