it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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