You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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