90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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