I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Randomize
