I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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