from now on my penis is your penis
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
People in love make me want to vomit
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
