i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
