I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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