Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
COCAINE IS GR8
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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