ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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