That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Text me some of your sweat
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