There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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