Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
