There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
