it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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