Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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