Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
